Hope-Filled Christian
Hope-Filled Christian
Finding Balance: Embracing Imperfections on your Faith Journey
Struggling to find a balance between your faith and your human imperfections? Fear not, because you are not alone! I will take you on an emotional journey where I share my personal experiences on this very struggle. Weighed down by my own imperfections, I grappled with maintaining a relationship with God, always feeling the pressure to match up to His perfection. In this episode, I share the importance of owning our mistakes and triumphs alike and the powerful ripple effect our honest testimonies can create.
No relationship is perfect, and that includes our relationship with God. It requires constant effort, communication and most importantly, the acceptance of our own growth process. We often find ourselves believing that our lives would reach perfection if we achieve specific goals or if we have the right person by our side. However, I found solace in the parable of the talents, which taught me that life is about the everyday journey, not a particular destination. Let's learn to focus on this journey, embracing our growth without comparing ourselves to others. After all, every Christian confronts their own struggles in the relationship with God. Let's discuss these challenges and discover comfort in shared experiences.
Hi and welcome back to HFC. This week's message is from Matthew 11, verse 29. First off, just let me say I always get kind of weird about sharing these because I wonder sometimes, like lately, I don't even feel like I have things planned like I do, but then I don't, and then it's just like, oh, never mind, let's just do that, because I don't know. It's like a weird mess that somehow organized and makes sense. Anyway, yeah, so this past week, I don't know, I feel like I keep finding out information that's like feels like it's literally going to just I don't know, I don't know what to call it. I feel like I'm at a loss of words and I want this to sound perfectly, but it's, it's just not. So, just be honest, I felt like kind of a mess emotionally. I felt so stressed, so tired. I've just felt like. I just felt like I don't know what's going on. Nothing makes sense. None of what I believed I knew about things are true, and it's kind of weird because it's it's like something that I asked for and in a way, I know that it's important for me to know this, but it also, in a way, I wish I didn't know these things. I wish I still have this image of, you know, ignorance, I guess.
Speaker 1:Without going into much detail, I guess I'll just say something along the lines of you know how you always tend to think like, oh, you know, you think people are perfect and you have this image of perfection like you idolize someone. But it's not like I was idolizing them because I didn't make an idol out of them. I just kind of like I have this idea of them, I thought I knew everything about them and it's like, it's not. Like I think I mean there was a part of me that wanted to think less of the people that I found out about, but at the same time I'm like, no, I can't do that because I'm in a similar position, like if people were to find out or that was people were to find out they would think less of me, but I mean they would. There's there's, obviously, things that like people were like wow, you did that, blah, blah, blah, blah, and like they just can't understand how you could go through something or how you could do that or what could bring you to do things. But for the longest time that you see my biggest fear, I mean to God, that people would look at me and say you know, how can you call yourself a Christian when you've done that, or when you've gone through that, or when you've seen that, or when you've said that, that somehow you know God's perfection was only relevant when I matched it and in my head it felt like there was a way to match God's perfection, which I know now was a misconception. That's not possible and doing so will tear you out.
Speaker 1:But ironically, I remember when I was a kid and going through all that stuff, or not really going through all that stuff. It was after going through all that stuff and I was finding out small things like oh so and so is not perfect. Oh so and so is not perfect. Because of that, I found myself wishing Like I wish somebody shared these things with me. I wish somebody told these things to me, because I went through so much of my life hurting myself and tearing myself down because in my mind I was the only one who wasn't perfect.
Speaker 1:In my mind, I was the only one who struggled to be a Christian. In my mind these struggles were only of me and that everybody else was perfect. And I know the Bible says that people struggle to have relationship with God, but none of my family members do. None of these people do. If they want it, they don't struggle. If they don't want it, then they do struggle because they don't want it.
Speaker 1:And so I used to struggle with this idea of I must not really want it, because I'm struggling so hard to continue to maintain a relationship with God and I'm struggling so hard to continue to grow and I'm struggling so hard to do all of this. And it's just like I started and I would belittle myself and I would talk down to myself and I would say you know, I must not want it, or this must not be for me, or I got, I don't, just I don't know what's wrong. Because how can they be so perfect, how can they not mess up, and so on and so on, like that. And it's like it's one thing to be told that people aren't perfect, it's another one for people to openly share their things. And this is the part that's missing about testimony, and it's just kind of why it bothers me when people are like oh just, you don't talk about yourself, just talk about what God did. Great, because it's not about you, it's about what God did. But what's so amazing about a testimony and what's so powerful about a testimony is talking about where we were, because what more glorifies God than our weaknesses, than our where we were, what God brought us out of. If I'm just saying God's amazing, look where I'm at now, like that doesn't do anything for me.
Speaker 1:That doesn't tell you about the times where you almost or I almost was, you know considered killing myself. That doesn't tell you about the times where I struggled with eating disorders. It doesn't tell you about the times where I got so angry, I was anxious, I almost passed out several times. It doesn't tell you about the times where I would be taking college classes and I was pacing outside and because I couldn't think, because I couldn't focus, because all of my worries and anxieties were coming upon me all at once. That doesn't tell you about the times where I cried myself to sleep. That doesn't tell you about the times where sometimes I don't even remember getting home because I just feel like I was so tired, so stressed, sometimes I was literally crying on my way home and it doesn't tell you anything about those times.
Speaker 1:If someone were to look at me, they would see someone. That's nice, because they see what I portray, but they don't see what God brought me out of. If I just say, look at what God has done, look what God has brought me, thank God for this. Where I'm at currently, that doesn't show people that we have struggles. That doesn't show people that we're not perfect. The only reason finding these things out about these people hurts so much and just like shocked me to my core is because no one's ever done that before. I don't even think I found out intentionally. I found out through just through some stuff, and I'll never say what I found out because it's not my business. In a way, it's like God revealed it to me. Not for me to go and gossip and blah, blah, blah, whatever, probably so I could pray for it, about it.
Speaker 1:I'm still working on my prayer life, but mainly because there is power in knowing that people aren't perfect. It's God who's perfect. The people are human. Selves are not perfect. You could take these two ways. You could say, oh wow, look, they're so fake they couldn't do it. Then no one can or whatever. In my sense, I'm going to take it in a positive way. If they still struggle and they've been in the relationship with God longer than I have, then that doesn't mean that when I struggle, that my relationship is useless, that my relationship with God is meaningless, that my relationship with God is any less. It just means we all struggle. We're not perfect, we still fail. There's no, and I guess I'm going to take it in a positive way.
Speaker 1:There was this pervading thought in my head that if I truly love God, I would no longer be failing. If I truly love God, I would never have down days. I'd be up, up and up and up and up and I would talk to God and I would ask God, god, why haven't you got me to the point where I no longer struggle with that, or when I no longer struggle with this, or I'm no longer struggling with all those things? And the fact of the matter is there's never a day where you don't struggle, and I know that it says that in the Bible. But it's another thing, completely realizing like there is no person who doesn't struggle, there's no person who doesn't go through things. Whether or not you see it doesn't change the fact that it happens.
Speaker 1:I mean, a lot of times I know friends of mine who didn't know all the struggles that I went through, and I know some who kind of saw half of it but didn't see all of it. And then I know some. You know I spoke to them more about it and you know they just even they didn't really get the full picture and I just it was so all of this learning about, you know, just for me I had put these people and I guess I did idolize them because I had put them on a pedestal. I had put them on a pedestal of. This is what I want to be, this is where I want to be. I want to be like them. They seem so happy, they seem so put together, they read their Bible, they pray every day.
Speaker 1:And I'm not saying this to put anyone down. I'm not saying this to say that, you know, their relationship with God isn't real or they're fake or they're meaningless. I'm saying to say that why do we idolize people? Why do we idolize Christian leaders? Why do we idolize pastors? They're just like you and I. God has anointed them for a purpose obviously to be a leader. They are just as fallible, if not more, because of the position that they're in to mess up, because they have higher accountability than us if they're a leader. They have higher accountability, obviously they've. You know, they're our elder. They have higher accountability than us.
Speaker 1:If they were I don't know like if they're in the situation we have our own accountability, but there's different types of accountability is going on, and it's just important to remember that there is no one person who doesn't still struggle. There's no one person who isn't still tempted. There is no one person who still doesn't fail, because we all fail, we all struggle, we all fall in part of, not part of it. But that's the reason why God is always telling us and Jesus is always telling us, and why the Bible is always telling us to be humble and to be submissive, to realize that, you know, I don't have to worry about so and so I don't have to worry about them. I don't have to worry about and by that I mean their relationship with God. I just have to worry about my own and I have to make sure that I'm being humble. I don't have to worry about them if they're bragging, and you know, praise God, or if I think they're bragging or if Anything. I just need to focus in mind and be humble and realize you know, I'm not perfect, nobody's perfect. I just need to spend more time with you. Lord, forgive me and help me and do all these things in any way. I Found myself reading this first, the um Matthew 1129 take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I'm gentle and humble and heart, and you'll find rest for your souls.
Speaker 1:Because I Felt so conflicted, I felt so betrayed, because in my mind it was like I had created this image that if I can just get there, if I could just get there, you know, my life would be so much better. If I could just get there, everything's gonna change and I don't even mean this to be the negative. But I feel like so many times we have this ideal goal, we have this ideal moment that we feel like if we can just get to where that person is, if we could just have what they have, our lives would be perfect, our lives would be amazing. Not realizing that every step of the way, every moment that you're having a relationship about, every single day, every single choice that you make, you are growing in your relationship with God and In a weird way, it's allowed me to look back on my own life and just see that, you know, I may not be perfect, I may still be making mistakes, I may still be a mess, but I'm nowhere near where I used to be, and Can I say that my growth has been amazing Recently. I mean, I've been farther, I've been lower, but I'm moving and, and this kind of reminds me still, I always feel like I bring it up all the time the story about the men with the talents, where the master gives the people the talents and there was the, the one who earned some, there's the one who lost some and there's the one who hit it. And I feel like that's what God's saying, like it doesn't matter for gaining or losing as long as we're actively trying.
Speaker 1:Relationships, whether they're with God or people, are not perfect, but they do take communication in effort. It's when we, you know, keep holding out hope that one day is just gonna be perfect, not realizing that it's not about that one day, it's about the every day. What are we doing to change our relationship, god? What are we doing to A fact where we are in our position with God and and not aiming for, you know, relationship like any other person, because we all have different individual relationships. Every relationship is different. It doesn't mean we're having a different relationship with God. We're still having the same relationship with the same God, assuming we're Christian. But what that relationship looks like is different, because what you and I need are different and To give someone the same a relationship that another person has is would be Failing to meet their needs, because they're looking for a specific, generic relationship.
Speaker 1:And this goes for anything. Like If I go to the hospital, they're like, oh yeah, here, get this shot, because you know you're sick. But I'm like, well, that's not my need. Like I came in with a kidney stone. I need like an IV of fluids, possibly, and you know, some pain medication. I don't need chemo radiation, I don't need open heart surgery, I don't need, you know, drill into my school, I don't need a cast like those things aren't going to serve me. Yes, I'm going to the same place to seek help, but I'm giving, getting different treatment based on what I need.
Speaker 1:But After learning those things and and just, I was so lost and I was like God, I just don't get it, I don't get it, I don't get it, I don't get it, I don't get it. If there's so much further along and their relationship with God, how are they still struggling? And I realize, I Realize, when I was reading it and Like I kind of already told you what I realized. But I was just, I was freaking out. I'm like there was like a hearty minute, was like just freaking out, like, see, this is why it's never work, see, this is why you're never gonna get anywhere, because, doesn't matter how long you spend spent in God, with God, you're still gonna be a mess up, you're still gonna be scrubbing.
Speaker 1:It wanted to be taken for the negative, but as I'm reading this and and as I kept reciting it over and over and over, because it was the only thing I could think of, so I was like borderline, having anxiety attack, and I'm like just God, just give me peace. And this moment, lord, reveal something to me. And I was really focusing on the part that says take my yoke upon you and learn from me, and that part that was saying and you'll find rest for your souls. It was like God, what is what in the world is? What is why? Why, what is, what is? With this knowledge, you don't share everything. Everything you do is for a reason. You don't share something for nothing. So what is the purpose of me knowing this? And it's what I already told you. Hmm, the purpose wasn't to shock me, to make me lose hope, but instead to give me help to realize that just because I'm struggling in the moment that I am in doesn't mean I'm not making growth.
Speaker 1:Every Christian is struggling in the relationship that they're in. Their struggles may look different, the struggles may be visible. The struggles mean not be visible, but every Christian is struggling. That is a fact of Christian life. There is no, you know, lack of struggle in a Christian life. Your struggle may be that you're, you know, pushing through the struggle, that you're, you know, actively praying and doing all those things, but you're still doing something. It takes effort. It's not effortless and I guess, like that brought me a lot of peace.
Speaker 1:It made me realize that, you know, just because I'm struggling doesn't mean that I'm not growing, doesn't mean that I'm not moving. To stop focusing on what other people have gotten, stop focusing on what other people are or what they're doing, to focus on myself. Realize that, yes, people are not perfect, but that's not a negative thing. That doesn't mean that I'll never Be at a point where I'm content and happy with God, that I can be content and happy with God when realizing that there is content and happiness and where I am right now. That just because there's struggle in my life doesn't mean I'm failing at my relationship with God. Does it mean I can grow? Yes, obviously we can always grow in our relationship with God. It's a walk. It's not a, you know, a checkpoint or a store where we walk, there, we walk back, or constantly moving until you know the day we die, where the race is one, that kind of thing, but I Don't know.
Speaker 1:I just really like that verse and that was my Sunday. Anyway, I hope you enjoy listening to this one, as always. End with prayer yeah, dear God, thank you for this lesson, thank you for this realization. It really helped me and I pray that it helps someone else to realize that just because they're struggling Doesn't mean they're not moving closer to you. Now, if you decide to share with us, lord, ways that we can get closer to you, we accept those and I pray that you give us the humbleness to listen and obey. I Pray that you forgive us for our sins. Leave us not into temptation. In the name of Jesus, amen. Thanks for listening to this week's episode of HFC. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope I didn't talk too fast. I just realized now that I was kind of high energy, talking really fast, not really giving any thoughts or whether or not I was understandable. Um see you next week. Have a God of sake. Thank you, bye you, you.