Hope-Filled Christian
Hope-Filled Christian
Uncovering the Depths of Jesus' Sacrifice
Can you imagine feeling utterly unworthy of love, only to be reminded of its unwavering presence even at your lowest point? This week, we share a deeply personal and emotional journey sparked by the moving song "Build My Life" by Housefires. Despite battling a sinus infection, an unexpected and profound dialogue with God emerged, punctuated by tears and a raw sense of vulnerability. Listen as we confront the struggle of accepting a love we feel we cannot repay, and find solace in the reassurance that God's love is steadfast, regardless of our flaws.
We then shift our focus to the monumental sacrifice of Jesus, reflecting on his deep humanity and divine mission as he faced the crucifixion. Explore the poignant moments in Gethsemane, where Jesus' ultimate submission to God's will underscores his boundless love for humanity. This episode highlights how understanding and accepting God's unconditional love can lead to true fulfillment and peace, far beyond the temporary satisfaction found in drugs, sex, money, and fame. Join us for a heartfelt discussion that encourages you to embrace the profound significance of God’s love in your life. God bless you and have a great week.
Hi, welcome back to HFC, our hope-filled Christian. If you've not been here and well, I haven't been here it feels weird doing this because I haven't done it in a while, but it's kind of been one of those things where I knew if I didn't do it right now, I wouldn't ever do it. And it is 1115, not that it matters, because you know God's going to speak whenever. But I just finished driving home being a hot mess because I was crying my eyes out. Being a hot mess because I was crying my eyes out. And it all started with this one song.
Speaker 1:I'll share that song because you know I used to share songs back when I did this podcast more frequently and hopefully this becomes a frequent thing, but if not at the very least sharing this message. So that song is Build my Life and most of you guys, when you look it up, it's going to be pat barrett, but I actually like the house fires version because it's more like stripped and it's just singing, because I tend to get this feeling that you know, music has become too much um, synth and all that stuff and I just it's the words that I'm looking for. It's not about the music so much as what's being said and what message is being given? Excuse me, I'm also kind of sick Sinus infection, nothing contagious, not that I could get you sick over the vodka. Sorry, but I love it because it starts off just and then later on it's like Whoa for you.
Speaker 2:And later on it's like and holy, there is no one like you. There is none beside you. Open up my eyes in wonder and show me who you are and fill me with your heart and lead me in your love to those around me sorry again.
Speaker 1:I'm sick. I shouldn't have even been singing. I'm taking steroids and they've kind of completely just messed up my throat. Not that that I'm the world's greatest singer, anyway, but you know, Sorry, totally off topic, Normally I start off with a verse, but just a little story to share, I guess this time.
Speaker 1:And so I was thinking of that song and I just started bawling my eyes out because I'm like God, you are worthy of every song I could sing. You are worthy of every breath that I have, every praise that I could give, every moment of my life. But what about me? I'm like, I'm not worthy of any of this. And if you're new or if you're returning, I don't know, I kind of talk about it sometimes, but I write songs and so it's not a song that I'd probably ever share, because it was just kind of a hot mess.
Speaker 1:But I just imagined myself having a conversation with God and I like to imagine in those situations he's responding. But in that song it was just kind of like me saying I'm not worthy, and you know, it felt like he was singing in response. What does it matter? I still love you, you know, and that's kind of always my go-to about, and it's why having a relationship with God is very difficult for me. I've kind of mentioned this before, but again, it's been a while since this podcast. But I don't like having things given to me. I don't like the sense that you know, someone could do me a favor and it not be paid back, Like if someone does me a favor, I'm going to pay them back. And so to me it's like and it came out of the song Like I was like singing to myself on the way home.
Speaker 1:It's a very weird experience to talk about, but, um, it was just like this idea of I've always looked at God's love as a burden. Um, because it's like, how can I compare it? Compare to that? How can I ever pay you back for that? I'm not, I'm not anything worth that kind of attention.
Speaker 1:And um, and I guess what started getting into my head while I was singing, it is just the idea that it doesn't matter. Like, what does it matter to ask if we're worthy of it? What does it matter to ask if we're worth it? I mean, it's always going to be no, but like I'm telling you like I was singing this song for like 10, 15 minutes, bawling my eyes out for every line, and it's just this idea of you know singing I'm not worthy, and it's like kind of those thoughts that pervade our, our mind, every, every day, Like I'm not worthy, God, I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy. And we stopped that from letting us, letting ourselves experience God's love, and it was just kind of like me saying, God, I'm not worthy, and him saying, what does it matter?
Speaker 2:I still love you, but I'm not worthy. What does it matter?
Speaker 1:I still love you um and it was just like you know, god, I'm a mess, I've made so many mistakes, I've done so many wrong things. And it's like, and it was just constantly the same answer, over and over and over again, the same answer, over and over and over again. What does it matter? I still love you. And um, there was another part, but I kind of forget it because, like I said, I wasn't exactly writing it down. I wasn't trying to write a song, it's just.
Speaker 1:I think sometimes, at my lowest points, it's always been music that kind of speaks to me. Um, I've talked about it before, but when I tried killing myself, it was music that saved me. When I don't know how to express these feelings, these concerns, these worries in my heart, it's music that brings it out of me. And there's something about singing a song to me that just kind of takes over the barrier of speaking and makes it more of like a conversation, like if I'm trying to have a conversation with god that's most oftentimes how I do it and it was just, it was very powerful. And I'm like and I know that you know, these thoughts don't come from anywhere. So I'm like where am I pulling this from god? I'm like what? Where can I look in the bible to see? You know that it doesn't matter that you still love me, that you would do this anyway.
Speaker 1:And that's just a part of it, because part of the thing was this idea that you know I have something wrong with me and I can admit that I struggle to accept love and I struggle to be loved and I struggle to be grateful and that kind of stuff. It's always been a weird thing about love for me and being loved. And I can love people, I can care for them, but it's being loved that makes me uncomfortable, because I feel like when people love me, it's opening myself up to vulnerability. I can control my own actions, but I can't control how they look at me, how they think of me, how they're going to react if they leave, they stay and all those kinds of things. And it makes me anxious because it's this person I don't understand and it's just like and I've had people betray my trust and it's just this whole thing.
Speaker 1:And so for me, the main part of the song was just me saying I'm not worthy. I'm not worthy, over and over and over and over and over again, and God just emphasizing that it doesn't matter how many times I feel that I'm not ready, it doesn't matter how many times I mess up, it doesn't matter how many times I find myself. You know in a rough spot after a mistake or something, that God loves me regardless, that you know the answer is not going to change loves me regardless. That you know the answer is not going to change. You know, and one of the things that, like I've always known, is that God doesn't hate the people who go to hell and all that stuff. It's just that his love is so strong that he would rather and it breaks his heart send those people to somewhere else to keep the other ones safe, the ones who are faithful. It's not so much that, god. If you love me, why are you restricting me? It's because he wants the best for us every day. If you love me, why do you say this? Well, because he knows that's what's going to lead us to having a happy and fulfilled life and all that stuff. Um, but I guess what I was trying to say is um.
Speaker 1:So the verse that I was led to in my head, and it was the one that I I always think of and I always like look at for my who kind of like getting a sense of who Jesus was as a human, the struggles that he went through and stuff, and it was kind of something like that answer that you know? How is your answer always the same? How is your answer always this, you know, how do you always? How is your answer always the same? How is your answer always this, you know? How do you always? You know, stay loving me? Why do you always love me? And so I'm going to go ahead and read it. It's from Luke, chapter 22, verse 39 through 44.
Speaker 1:And it says Jesus went out as usual to the Mount of Olives and his disciples followed him. On reaching the place, he says to them pray, that you will not fall into temptation. He withdrew about a stone's throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me, yet not my will, but yours be done. An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him and, being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground. I'll read the next part, because I feel like it's still good, and 45 through 46. When he rose from prayer and went back to the disciples, he found them asleep, exhausted from sorrow. Why are you sleeping? He asked them Get up and pray so that you will not fall into temptation.
Speaker 1:I guess this part was impactful to me, because you see Jesus essentially begging. You know, father, if you are willing, take this cup from me. Yet, not my will, but yours be done. And it's like his last Hail, mary, his last. You know, god, if you're going to take this from me this is you know please take it now. But if not, I'm still going to go ahead with this.
Speaker 1:And just I'm imagining myself in this situation of being Jesus, crying this out because I'm so scared, but you know, I'm going to do it anyways, because this is how much I love you. God. This again, me being Jesus. I'm imagining that and I am so terrified, not about the idea of what's going to happen, but of the pain that I might experience. And you know, we all know why Jesus came to die for our sins that we may, you know, be reunited with Christ, because we ourselves are full of sin. Without God, I mean without Jesus, there was no way to reach God for us.
Speaker 1:And so I'm imagining myself being Jesus, that moment, being like you know, father, if you're willing, take this cup from me and I will, but yours be done. And in response, there's an angel from heaven who appears and strengthens him, and being in anguish strengthens him, and being in anguish, he just prayed more earnestly, and it doesn't really state what he's praying, but I just imagine him saying you know the same kind of thing. Like what would I be praying? I'd be praying the same thing over and over. Father, if you're willing, father, if you are capable, take this from me, but if not, your will be done.
Speaker 1:And I guess the reason that this one spoke to me is, um, just, I feel like it's so easy to fall into the trap of how you know. Oh, this was something jesus was born to do. This is something jesus always knew he was going to do. Thank you, jesus. Blah, blah, but it's like, oh, he, I almost want to say he like grieved for himself, for his life.
Speaker 1:He knew life. He knew what it was to be a human. He was a God made human. He felt the desire to live that all of us do, the desire to be and to have a long life. And yet he put those desires aside and said not my will, but yours be done. And yet he put those desires aside and said not my will, but yours be done.
Speaker 1:And when I think about that feeling that I mentioned earlier about I'm not worthy, and just questioning God, will there ever be a time when that runs out and it's like you don't love me anymore? And this answered it for me, because it's like if Jesus could sit there, knowing what he was going to go through, knowing what everything he was going to feel, and he's praying earnestly and yet knowing, you know, there is no other way he goes through it. This wasn't something he took lightheartedly, it wasn't something that was just oh yep, all right, god got this. You know I'm going to go ahead and do it. Thank you, god.
Speaker 1:This was something he prayed about, something he prepared his entire life for. This was something that, even in his last moment before he went, even before, right before he spent all that time and right before praying, you know, father, if you are willing, take this cup from me. Yet not my will, but yours be done. And this was not something he took lightheartedly. This was something that he thought over, he saw, he knew he prayed. You know that God could take the cup from him but, at the same time, knew what he was going to go through, knew that what he was going to go through did not compare to the love he had for us. And I find that so encouraging and I see that, as he knew who we would become, he knew how we would treat him and in that song, like I said, I really felt like God was speaking to me and he does too, in song.
Speaker 1:It was just like he was just talking about to me, like I've done so many things that aren't necessarily in line with the God-filled life, and it was just like him saying you know, I do it all over again. And essentially he did because he knew what was in line for him. He's omnipresent, he knew what he was going to go through and if he's omnipresent, that means he's going through it every day and he's feeling that and he knew what he was going to experience and he saw it. And I'm sure this is not the first time he saw it. Every time he mentioned to the disciples, he saw it every moment he prayed, he saw it. Everything he did, he saw it. And I'm sure this is not the first time he saw it.
Speaker 1:Every time he mentioned to the disciples, he saw it. Every moment he prayed, he saw it. Everything he did, he saw it Every time he told someone to preach the good word. He saw it Every time he taught his disciples. He saw it Every day that grew closer. I'm sure he saw it and I'm sure he wasn't even just praying for the temptation of the disciples, but also saying for him, praying that he will not fall into temptation and do something to get out of this, and even then he still went through it and he'd go through it again and he'd go through it again.
Speaker 1:And he'd go through it again because that's how much he loves us, not something that it's like, oh well, I don't love you anymore, thanks for coming, but something where an all-encompassing love, where he would love people he doesn't even know, people who wouldn't even necessarily respect him, dying for people who would ridicule his name. Dying for people who would ignore his calls, ignore his desire to be close to them, dying for people who would ignore his calls, ignore his desire to be close to them, dying for people who don't give a crap. And yet he still did it. And, like I said, it's not something he did lightheartedly, it's something he thought about, he knew his options, and yet he still did it. It's one thing to do something when you don't have a choice, but he had a choice and he said I will still do what you've called me to do. And, yeah, he prayed. Who wouldn't pray? Who wouldn't say, god, if you can take this from me, do. But at the end of the day, he said take it, yet not my will, but yours be done.
Speaker 1:And I find that so encouraging in terms of love and explaining God's love, and I feel like sometimes we just become numb to that. It becomes a word or it becomes just sentences in a book and and it's something that loses its impact. And it's something that loses its its its power, because we tend to just read it and oh, yep, jesus loves me. And there's Easter, and, yeah, we're fine now. And now we're in, we're in May and we've forgotten all about it, and we're in December and forgot all about it. And then we get back to Easter, we remember it, we read it, and then that's that he would endure.
Speaker 1:All of that, for us, is what tells me that he loves me differently than other people, that he loves me more than other people, that he knew what would happen and he chose it anyway. That tells me he knows that we'll fail, he knows that we'll make mistakes and he loves us regardless. And it just kind of really really wrecked me. I was just a mess on the way home I don't even know what my face looks like because I don't know like tear stains going on my face or something and I just came and I'm like you know what if I I don't do it now? Anyways, some of you know we always end these with a prayer.
Speaker 1:So as always, we'll go ahead and end in prayer. Dear God, thank you for loving us. It's as simple as that. Thank you for your unending, unaltering, consistent, constant, foundational love.
Speaker 1:Lord help us to, to build our lives around that love. I truly feel, and I've always felt in some way, that your love is the answer to all of our problems, that if we can accept it, if we can embrace it for what it truly is, for what you truly are, then your love is changing, it's life, altering, it's transformational. It's the key to growing. It's the key to freeing ourselves from these chains that we may have found ourselves in. Lord, I pray that you continue to open our eyes to what your love is, to how your love is, and help us to experience the love that you have for us. Lord, I pray that you lead us from temptation, you cleanse us of any evil, lord, and I just pray that you help us to take steps in you every day. Give us our daily bread. In your name, we pray Amen.
Speaker 1:Wow, I'm not really sure who listens to this anymore, if anybody does, but thank you for listening to Hopeful Christian. I pray and I hope that you receive something from today's message and that I wasn't just a mess for no reason. Like I said, I really do believe it's important for us to explore this love and I think that's what's missing in today's society that we're missing this idea of love and we go to so many different places looking for this fulfillment of love, for something to fill God's love, and we can't. We go to drugs, we go to you know sex, we go to money, we go to fame, and it's just like none of it is filling us the correct way. And it's because we're missing this foundational piece, the foundation of God's love in our lives and knowing that we are loved by him, fully loved by him, in a way that no one else can love us. Anyway, have a great week. God bless you. Bye.